Ask a Life Coach

Q: Dear Jackie,

I am a married mother of two wonderful children.  My husband and I have been having some troubles lately and I have a friend at work who I talk to.  This friend is male and I am developing feeling for him.  He is so supportive and kind to me.  I know he feels the same way.  We have kissed and gone to dinner and movies a few times.  I am so happy when I am with him but I feel so guilty.  I don’t want to just give up on nine years of marriage, but I can’t my husband and I working it out.  What do I do?

Laura.

A: Dear Laura,

I am not sure what troubles or how serious the troubles are that you and your husband are having, but I want you to know that as long as this “friend” is in the picture you will not be able to fix your marriage.  You are right, that nine years of marriage is a long time, and no, you shouldn’t just give up.  All relationships go through bad patches, but if you can wait them out they get better. You need to distance yourself from your friend and focus on your husband and your relationship.  I want you to think back to the time when you and your husband were dating and everything you loved about him.  Focus on these things.  Talk to your husband and listen openly, not comparing him to your friend.  See a counselor or life coach.  Let me ask you this – if you had a problem with your children, would you leave that relationship, or would you try to mend it?  Of course you would mend it.  This person is your children’s father, and at one time the love of your life.  I think it’s worth the fight or you wouldn’t be writing to me.  Plan a date night, get a babysitter, go out for a romantic dinner or rent a room and have room service.  Buy some new lingerie and bring some romance back.

Remember EVERY relationship goes through tough times. I believe these are tests to see what our staying power is.

Best of Luck,

Jackie

 

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